i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
