I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
