you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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