FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
