Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
