My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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