so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize