I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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