So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
