ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
