Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize