i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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