i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize