It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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