Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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