i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
