You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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