I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
