I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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