Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm always down for nudity.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
