did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
