Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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