i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
