She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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