there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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