I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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