I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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