did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
