a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
