oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
