walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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