that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
