And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
