Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
