Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
