I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
