what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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