I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize