We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
