Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he puts the penis in happiness.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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