What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
