i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
