watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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