ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
