Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize