So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Boobs speak an international language.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
