I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
