I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
