Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
