I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
