Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize