Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
