Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
