I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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