I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
