Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
