Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
