Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
