Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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