With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
