Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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