How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
