I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i believe in u and ur pee
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
