you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
