Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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