mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
