just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
