Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
