im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize